On a whim this week, I recorded a one of my client Zoom calls and ran the transcript through a filler-word counter.
While I pride myself as a filler-word-free speaker in front of audiences, the result in a zoom conversation was humbling.
“Ums”: 4
“You know”: 2
“Like”: 10
“So”: 28
Twenty-eight ‘so’ in a single 20 minute call.
I had spent years working on removing “ums” and “ahs” from my speaking style. I had trained them down to almost nothing, and felt like I had a semblance of mastery over my filler words.
In normal conversations, I still had a major filler-world problem. And that problem was contained in two simple letters: so.
By neglecting the ‘so’ habit, I had developed another annoying verbal habit.
“So” is the filler word that survives every other fix. It is the one your subconscious reaches for after you have trained yourself out of “um” and “like.” It is sneakier because it sounds smart. It feels like a logical connector, the verbal equivalent of “therefore.” But it is still filler.
And on a Zoom call (where every tic gets amplified by the camera and the audio compression), it adds up fast.
In this article, I will walk you through the five fixes I am using right now to stop saying “so.” Some are cognitive, some are physical, and one is the same thing I did to get my data in the first place: paying attention to the sound of my own voice.
A bit of context first. I have been speaking professionally for over 14 years. Two TEDx talks, seven Toastmasters International Speech contests, and hundreds of training workshops and keynotes later, I can tell you that filler words never fully disappear. You just get better at noticing them and replacing them faster.
Why “So” Is The Filler That Survives
Most of the public speaking advice out there is built around “um.” That makes sense. “Um” is the loudest filler. It is the one your high school speech teacher circled in red. It is the one comedians make fun of.
But “um” is the easy one. Once you become aware of it, you can usually train it down within a few months of practice.
“So” is harder for one reason: it does not sound like a filler. It sounds like a connector. It feels useful. When you are about to deliver a recommendation or a piece of analysis, “so” feels like the verbal handshake that says “here it comes.”
The trouble is that your audience does not hear “here it comes.” They hear hesitation dressed up as logic. (And on Zoom or any virtual meeting where you are presenting via screen share, that hesitation gets amplified by the camera.)
The good news is that the same five fixes work on Zoom calls, in-person presentations, podcast interviews, and one-on-one conversations.
5 Ways to Stop Saying “So” in Conversation
1) Hit the Power Pause
You probably use “so” the same way I do: as a way to hold the floor while your brain catches up to your mouth. You finish a thought, then need a half-second to assemble the next one, and “so…” gives you that half-second.
The fix is to take the half-second without filling it.
Finish your sentence. Stop talking. Count to two in your head. Then start the next sentence.
It feels like an eternity from the inside. From the outside, it sounds like authority. The best speakers I have watched use silence as punctuation, and the moment they pause, the room leans in. Practice closing your mouth at the end of every sentence and counting to two before opening it again.
2) Use Declarative Anchors
If your brain insists on starting the next sentence with something, give it a stronger word than “so.”
A declarative anchor is a short phrase that signals you are about to deliver a conclusion. It does the same job “so” was doing, except it sounds intentional.
Some of mine:
“My recommendation is…”
“The bottom line is…”
“Here is what I would do…”
“The data tells us…”
“This means…”
Pick two or three that fit your speaking style and rotate them. Write them on a sticky note next to your monitor for the first few weeks. Every time you feel a “so” coming on, swap in an anchor instead.
3) Speak in Periods, Not Commas
Most “sos” hide inside run-on sentences. You finish one thought. You do not actually stop. And “so” becomes the duct tape that holds the next thought to the previous one.
The drill is to imagine a literal period at the end of every sentence. When you hit it, your hands stop moving. Your mouth closes. Your voice drops.
This is the speaking equivalent of writing in short paragraphs instead of one giant block of text. Punchy beats meandering. (If you have ever read aloud something you wrote and run out of breath, you have written a comma where a period belonged.) Try recording a 60-second answer to “what do you do?” and counting how many true periods you actually use.
4) Drop the Executive Downbeat
Here is something most people do not know about why we say “so.”
Often, “so” comes out because our voice is rising at the end of a sentence (this is sometimes called uptalk or upspeak). When your pitch goes up at the end of a thought, your brain interprets it as “I am not done yet” and reaches for a connector to keep going.
The fix is physical. Drop your pitch on the last word of every sentence. (The Australian tendency to run words together does not help here, so I have to be especially deliberate about this one.)
Speech coaches sometimes call this the “executive downbeat.” When the pitch drops, the sentence sounds finished. And when the sentence sounds finished, “so” does not come naturally next. Record any of your meetings or sales calls this week and listen back specifically for the last word of each sentence. Notice the pitch.
5) Track Yourself on Replay
None of the first four fixes work if you do not know your baseline.
This is the step I cannot recommend strongly enough. Pick one Zoom call this week. Hit record. Pull the transcript afterward and search for “so” in the document. Count it. Write the number down.
My number was 28. Yours might be 8 or 50. The number itself does not matter. What matters is that you cannot improve what you do not measure.
Do this once a week for a month and watch the number drop. (If it does not drop, the issue is awareness, and you may need to slow down even more on the Power Pause from tip #1.) Set a calendar reminder for next Friday to pull a transcript and count.
What to Do Today
If you only do one thing from this article, do tip #5. Record a meeting today. Pull the transcript. Count the “sos.” Whatever the number is, that is your starting point.
The truth is that nobody has ever stopped saying “so” by reading an article about it. People stop saying it by hearing themselves say it. The five fixes above are the tools, but the awareness is the engine.
My count last week was 28. This week, I am aiming for under 10 “so’s”. I will let you know how it goes.
Welcome to the uncomfortable club. Let’s get better together.
Speaker Skills is dedicated to real-world public speaking skills to grow your influence and impact. Everything we share on this site is tested and used on stage by us.
Leave a Reply